The Tramp lands in DC

DC is an interesting city. All of the buildings are shorter than the Capitol, and the only safe neighborhoods are to the Northwest of the Capitol, which is half of the city (hint: the Capitol is not in the middle of the city). There's lots to do for free, which is good since going out for food is really expensive ($9-10 for a burger). There are lots of trees and biking paths in the city and that keeps me sane. All the rich people live in the Northwest or outside the district in Maryland or Virginia--which, since the district is so small, is like living in the nearer suburbs of a regular city.

The only other truly interesting things I have discovered are:

1. DC and Northern Virginia have the worst road signage in the world. Imagine that you are trying to find a way to Baltimore. You see a sign for I-495, and you follow it. Twenty minutes later, no Beltway. Thirty minutes later, no Beltway. After 45 minutes, if traffic is light through the infinity of stop-lights you sat through, you are there. Want to know which way to go to get to Baltimore? Good luck seeing that sign.

2. Greater DC has one of the worst road layouts in the world. I got lost at least six times a day for the first month (yes, I started counting). And don't even get me started about the evil traffic circles.

3. Waterfront--Where there aren't parks, they built parking lots and ugly 70s-slum buildings on it. Whatever happened to restaurants and Docks districts? I guess all of those parks were cutting into parking.

4. Traffic Law enforcement. Hah! There are so many traffic rules in the district that even the cops ignore them. Here's all you need to know: Don't speed, don't get in a HOV lane without the HO, and don't park where you ain't supposed to be. Illegal left turns, U-turns, and erratic driving is expected.

5. Northeast, Southwest, and Southeast. If you are rich, you don't go to these areas. The City forgot they existed during the race riots of the 60's, and the roads feel like they haven't been repaired since then, even the freeways! Crossing the Anacostia River is a no-no, especially after dark. The city has been criminally mismanaged, to allow slums like that to persist and fall into ruin over 30 years. Some of the most dangerous neighborhoods in America have the Capitol building hanging over them, white and luminous in the night.

Which tells you another thing: You don't have to go far afield to see any of the problems in the country. D.C. is a microcosm of every part of the U.S.A., our problems and joys. It may be grimy in parts, chaotic, and infected with the narcissistic mass hysteria of government, but it is a grand, beautiful, and lively place to live. It is America's city.